Pouring My Strength All Over You

I took last week off from writing to spend the extra time focusing on a vacation with family before the start of a crazy back to school week.

It always feels like it is so hectic. I am constantly dragging small people out of bed, making breakfasts that barely get eaten because they really wanted toast over oatmeal, but didn’t specify that when I gave them a choice.
What am I, a flipping mind reader? Geez! Eat your damn toast!
Anyway, I always dread this week. It’s hard to get back into the swing of things. It’s hard to get back on a schedule. Everyone is agitated and rushed, so we are all acting out on each other. All we really want to do is snuggle in bed and pretend it’s Saturday morning already.
So I woke up Monday morning with a real crick in my attitude. I was preparing myself for the raised voices and the whining, readying myself  for the lack of time to study and work out. I was already feeling frantic that I would somehow have to fit all the homework (mine and the Big One’s), work outs, yoga, laundry, dishes, bath times, cooking, meal prep…………
Sorry, I had to take a second, I almost hyperventilated there.
You get the picture, you’re all going through it in some way, even if there is no back to school in your life (high five, that is a win!)
Here I am the week leading up to Monday, and the morning of, feeling all out of sorts, feeling like a want to punch something. We make it through the morning, mostly unscathed. No one cries, she gets on the bus, we head off to work. That wasn’t so bad.
I am all grumpy at work, tired from our short trip to St. Louis, when I get a text. A family member is having trouble coming out of anesthesia. They are in ICU. CRAP! I am feeling numb, almost lost at this news.
It hits hard that morning. I have been complaining about packing lunches and potty training schedules, while a very important person is out there struggling. What the hell is wrong with me! How selfish am I?? Who the hell do I think I am??
I suddenly started to think about all the other mics that had dropped that week.
A few friends of a dear friend are out there struggling with serious, life altering medical issues. I mean these are young women, my age, battling serious things and here I am  near tears because my blue dress has a grease stain on it.
Wake up, me!
I can buy another blue dress. You cannot buy yourself out of a serious health issue. There is no retail therapy that magically makes you healthy again. If that were the case, 90% of women would never need a doctor again. The health care industry would tank; the world would fall into chaos!
Then yesterday, I was informed that a family member, very close to me, has been diagnosed with cancer…..is it March again (if you don’t get this inside joke, read former blog  post)….seriously God….don’t do this to me…….
I have been praying for people left and right this week. If I knelt when I prayed, my knees would be raw and sore. I have been trusting in the Lord and leaning on my faith hard core. I have been a warrior for others.
And it finally hits me this morning. As all these people’s lives start to unravel in front of my eyes, I have to be thankful. I have to be grateful.
I have to be thankful for a healthy family. I have to be thankful and grateful for the strength to fight with others when they are weak. I have to be thankful and grateful for being able to be a warrior for others. I have to be thankful to be able to comfort those that are suffering.
I am grateful today for all of you out there struggling with something, whether that be a health issue, relationship issue or an emotional issue. I am thankful for the strength that I have today, to be there for you, to be with you, to struggle beside you.
I am grateful for a God and faith that gives me comfort, strength and hope. I am grateful for a church family that I can turn to when I need help. I am grateful for those of you in my life that will drop whatever they are doing and pray for my loved ones like their lives depend on it.
But mostly, I am grateful for those of you that have taken on my struggles when I am weak. It has meant so much. I am overly happy to pay you back, tenfold.
Because, I know I will be weak again. I know I will need strength from others again. And I know it will be offered freely, in so many forms.
So if you are out there today, struggling with something, you are not alone. I would be honored to struggle with you, whether we know each other or not.
I was put on this earth to help others, and it would be my greatest blessing to start with you.
Let me pour my strength all over you!

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